Sanibonani guys, Happy New Year! I know it’s February already mara I haven’t spoken to you this year so it’s only fitting that I greet you first, I have manners after all, and if I am being totally transparent, this post was meant to be published the first week of Jan but things happened and that didn’t happen so here we are; better late than never, right? 👀. Le grand? I hope le sharp and life is treating you kindly and stuff. Personally, ke critical but stable and I am just grateful for life. I don’t think we need to do that thing where I apologise for disappearing, do we? Because let’s face it, I’m not sorry , that may sound harsh but it’s the truth; I really cannot bring myself to put out posts for the sake of putting out posts, when life is lifing and I need to step back, that’s exactly what I’m going to do and man, life has been lifing HARD. Still, I keep coming back, because I truly do love doing this and appreciate all 6 of you reading .

Let’s talk about my birthday! If you don’t know, my birthday is on the 3rd of January (Happy Belated Birthday To Meee!) and this year was quite different from what I’m used to, but man was it just as special. First of all, your girl is 29 (what?), it’s very surreal that I’m in the last year of my 20s, it’s so wild to me, secondly, this was the first birthday I spent single after 3 years, and lastly, I didn’t get to go on my annual birthday trip as I normally do and prefer. I had to spend my birthday in cold North England and the South African summer baby in me wanted to scream but I accepted my fate and kept it moving (as one does, I guess).

The weeks and days leading up to my birthday weren’t exactly pleasant. Seasonal depression had me by the throat and I was just so sad and defeated. If you know anything about me and my birthdays, you know that I go all out for my birthday because dammit, I deserve it! This is definitely a trauma response because I didn’t have the best birthdays growing up; having a January birthday right after the festive season was always met with excuses about how there’s no money left, blah blah blah , as if people didn’t know my birthday was coming , but I digress, the point is, I promised myself that once I start earning an income, I will always make sure that I have the best time on my birthday because I got really sick of feeling like an afterthought on my birthday, and while on the topic, I used to hate having a birthday so early in the year, but now I am grateful because it saves me a lot of money – if you don’t get me a gift on my birthday, there’s absolutely no freaking way you’re expecting one from me on your birthday unless, of course, you’re delusional , in which case, I can’t help you. Whew – I guess that’s still a trigger for me but that’s a chat for another day .

As already mentioned, I’m usually away on holiday for my birthday, I prefer spending my birthdays on a beach somewhere, with my ass cheeks out (shaking my nyash, on a yacht, in Dubai, in a thong!) but I couldn’t go this year for several reasons, one of which being the fact that having a South African passport can make travelling very difficult, and we really don’t talk about it enough, and I’m also not going to talk about it now because it’s an upsetting topic, and I’m trying to keep this post short, light and somewhat cheerful, despite my mini rants in between- but let’s be honest, would it really be an #EverythingRefiloe post if there were no rants? Exactly! I didn’t think so. I was so bummed and saddened by the thought of spending my birthday in winter but my friends Witty and Tia said “say less”. We had a countryside spa staycation in Cheshire and it was everything I needed and more; so special shout out to my loves I appreciate you more than words can describe.

I say all this to say, while things didn’t go as planned, once I adjusted my attitude, I actually enjoyed myself and had loads of fun, and felt very loved. I want to thank you all for the messages, the calls, the posts, and the gifts; all of it meant so much to me; I swear I’ve made some amazing friends on the internet that I haven’t even met in person and I appreciate all the love. Thank you, I am truly grateful for 29 years of life.

Lastly, I just want to say that I can’t promise to be consistent with posts this year, but I do promise to try – that’s really all I can do, so if you have any ideas of topics you’d like me to add my 2 cents on or discuss, let me know and I promise to be as honest and raw as possible – it seems the older I get, the less filter I have, so my posts may be taking a different direction this year, and while I myself don’t know what direction that is, I am excited to find out with you guys .

P.S. I am writing this at 2 AM with 2 glasses of wine in my system so forgive any typos, danko !

Till next time my lovelies,

xoxo, Refiloe