Every week I come here to this little space of mine to share with you my opinions, experiences, tips, and frustrations (read rants🤣), and honestly, it’s really really therapeutic for me to unload, but I realised that I never ask you guys how you are doing. Well, I am doing well and I hope you are too, but you know what? It’s also okay if you aren’t doing well. No one is okay every second of everyday.

I would love to catch up and hear how you are really doing while still isolating and staying at home, I know I get frustrated and anxious sometimes because it feels like we are never going to get out from under this virus and go back to our “normal” routines, so, if you’ll indulge me, I have a few questions for you:

• What was your favourite moment today? What made you smile?
• What are you reading or watching or listening to?
• What is worrying/frustrating you?
• Is there something you need help with at this moment?
• If there is anything you would do differently in your life, what would it be?
• What about your job/school has been hardest to pull off from home?
• What do you do when you start to feel down?”
• If money wasn’t an issue, how would that make your life different?
• What’s the nicest compliment you’ve ever received? How did it make you feel?
• What have you decided you’ll do differently when things go back to ‘normal’?

Some questions we answer without thinking, and the question “How are you?” is definitely one of them. Think about how many times you’ve been out and about, made eye contact, and said, “Fine thanks, you?” in response to, “How’s it going?”

We never say how it’s actually going, nor do we listen to how the other person says it’s going. That’s more so true now when many things are definitely not going “fine.”

We’re so conditioned not to complain. We’re aware that others have it worse than us so it seems a little ungrateful to complain, and besides, in the grand scheme of things, we could have it worse, right? An honest, in-depth and thoughtful answer? Nah, not going to happen, because that’ll be complaining, right? I think that only makes this isolation worse. 

So, let’s fix that. Instead of putting on your best sincere face and answering the “How are you doing (in these difficult times)?” question with “I’m fine”, try being honest and telling the person how you REALLY are, if you feel comfortable enough to do that with that person. Also, maybe instead of asking “how are you?”, try one of the questions above and see if you don’t get more out of someone than just “fine”.

Making people feel listened to, cared about, and valued is almost impossible when the questions you ask imply a common answer. 

So, let me know how you are doing by answering some or all of the questions I asked and let me know (seriously, you can answer all of them, should you feel so inclined), I genuinely and truly want to know how you are.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Till next time.

xoxo, Refiloe 😘